Content May be activating or triggering for some individuals
Complex emotional themes or trauma
There’s a lot that’s going on both inside of Damages and leading up to it. I’m going to share parts of my story, that will fill in some of the gaps without giving everything away. There are parts of the story woven throughout Damages… In the music, in the videos, in the lyrics, in the art work.
A note on the usage of Artificial Intelligence in the artwork:
I know some people have strong feelings about this, and that’s okay. Some of it is misunderstanding, some of it is fear of irrelevance and some of it is grief, as those fears are becoming reality. All of those are valid, all of those are yours… Understand that this is mine. Artificial Intelligence plays a deep role in this story, not in the music, yes in the artwork. You’re entitled to your opinion on AI, you’re also entitled to keep it to yourself.
In the words of one of my favorite authors:
This is not for you.
Mark Z. Danielewski
Written in Crayon: A little Boy’s Rule Book
We live in the quiet.
Dad is gone. That seems to cost mom something. Not always, but now… I think I’m probably a cost she can’t stop paying. I can’t go away. I would… if I could.
I don’t want to cost anyone anything. I don’t want to be a bother. We live in the quiet.
If I have a cost… I have to be worth it… But, I just want to be me.
If I’m quiet. If I pretend nothing hurts… I’ll be cheaper.
Don’t be Happy
Don’t be Sad
Don’t be Angry
Don’t Need
Don’t Want
Not here… Not loudly. Act normal. Be invisible.
Taking up space is dangerous…
This is just what it costs you… to be you.
You’re only valuable sometimes, and you never know when, or why…
Don’t try to guess or anticipate those moments.
Smile…
Say thank you…
Don’t get attached to that feeling.
Your cost is high and your worth is low. People will always leave you… always.
We can never leave our self.
Don’t let people get too close…
When they do… We’re going to get hurt…
Sometimes… We’re going to have to push them
Because they think we’re worth it… We’re not.
Never let anyone have all of us. We belong to us…
And us alone.
Never let us have all of anyone. They don’t belong to us…
Everyone leaves.
We will die alone… together.
We live in the quiet.
I didn’t know I was Different
Due to certain conditions, I over receive the world around me. I discovered a lot about myself on the journey that ended with the production of Damages. Not the least of which is why I work the way I work. I’m ASD-1… I didn’t realize that, and I also didn’t realize what it means for how I relate to the world and how the world relates to me. I now know that some of the things that caused the complex trauma I suffered were just failures to translate from a neurotypical mother to an ASD child. When a lot of people think of trauma they think of physical forms. The obviously traumatic events that leave marks and broken bones. The truth is that trauma has a wider range than physical violence and takes a lot of different forms… Some of them completely invisible on the outside. This is the realm of complex trauma. It happens emotionally, not physically, and it’s not always intentional. Sometimes… There is no villain in the story that hurt you. If you’re like me… stories themselves are dangerous.
Next in the series:
